My Body is Not for Everyone.

Sex devoid of connection is like food without seasoning.

One of the things that I seem to see a lot of, whether it’s social media, or overhearing young teens on the bus, are sexual acts devoid of connection or emotional, mental, and spiritual depth. Recently, I was standing in the middle of a group of parents, making small talk. A few of the parents began talking about their 12-, and 13-year-olds going on an overnight trip, in 2018, before the covid quarantine. During the conversation, a few of the parents shockingly mentioned that their sons, and some of their friends, were getting fellated from other young girls, underneath the bleachers. The chaperones were clueless, and nowhere to be found. The parents discussed the peer pressure involved, and the attempt to appear cool. After the act, the boys just walked away, leaving the girls there, never to be seen again. My first thoughts were broken, sad, and brittle. What had happened to these young girls, that they had the inclination to put the genitals of a strange boy into their oral orifice? Surely, they lack the self-knowledge and depth to derive any true pleasure from these acts, so the only thing appealing to the young girls is the attention and acceptance from the young boys. The young girls, in their immature delusion, don’t realize that these young boys will only see them as an object, a warm moist place for flagellation. The young ladies will not find what they are looking for, only more rejection and shock at the boys’ lack of appreciation, respect, and intimacy. Not to mention that the youth lack the understanding to even appreciate such an act for what it is. In having sons and daughters, I teach both of them about the importance and sanctity of having a connection, and not falling into the delusional traps of grandeur, presented by pornography and social media. I am not saying this as a judgment, I am saying this as a message for my daughters, and other girls alike. Your body, your uterus, the path to it, holds one foot in the material, and one in the ethereal. The only way into this world is through a female womb. A soul can only enter through a woman. Think about it, as a woman, your body and the entrance to it, should be seen as a privilege, and a pleasure. In many ways, our vessels are like that of a temple, where people go to worship and be in the presence of the energy of creation. People leave flowers, fruit, money, and many symbolic gifts. It would be disrespectful to come to the temple with the sole intention of taking something, right? The same with your body. We, as women, must not allow people to come to us, seeking to take our energy, and not give pleasure, provision, or sustenance of any kind. I do not only mean sexual pleasures. I also mean the mental, emotional, and spiritual pleasures as well. In life, I have had people tell me that they feel better after talking to me, or spending time in my home, sharing a meal and stories. As a natural creator and nurturer, like many women, I enjoy feeding those around me, mind, body, and soul. But, at what cost am I feeding those around me? Who is filling my cup? As a woman, who is pleasuring you? Who is making you feel good? Or are they just walking out from beneath the bleachers, zipper in hand? We as women need to see our bodies, and the energy within it, as a spiritual gift. Once we see that, we will carry ourselves with that energy, and pass it to our daughters. I understand the need for young teens to experiment, but not to their detriment. I once had a high school sweetheart whom I felt safe with, leading to many “new experiences”. I’ll leave that there, but I never felt pressured into doing anything I didn’t want to, by a group of kids. Women need a safe sexual space, a safe mental and emotional place, to be free to be their truest selves, in every way. A safe sexual space is one where exploration can happen, without the pressure of having to perform acts that are undesired or unwanted. A safe sexual space is also one where the pleasure of both parties is the continuous goal, rather than just the pleasure of one person. Creating a safe sexual space leads to increased sexual confidence, and blossoming predilections, leading to an even deeper understanding of her sexual self, or sexual identity. Great discourse leads to even greater intercourse.

According to recent studies, 95% of men have orgasmed after their most recent sexual encounter, compared with 65% of women. Women are also less likely to climax during one night, or first night encounters. The female climax is more likely to happen after a woman has had 5 or more encounters with the same man. The pleasure of being in sync with another human being, who shares the same connection that you feel, is irreplaceable and priceless. When there is a mental, emotional, and spiritual connection between two people, purely physical pleasure cannot come close. The simple act of taking time to understand another person’s likes and dislikes, wants, kinks, and desires is a highly sensual act. Intending to learn a person’s mind, body, and spirit, for the purpose of creating a safe sexual space is a prologue to a mind-blowing experience. Building a healthy scaffold for an emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually intimate relationship is an aphrodisiac. For women, familiarity doesn’t breed contempt, it breeds sexual liberation. Healthy relationships and interactions should have two sides, benefits to both, equally. I want women to start looking at the relationships in their lives and taking inventory. Are you being satisfied, or are you doing the satisfying? Are you always being cared for? Or are you always the caregiver? If you convey your needs, are they met? Or are they ignored? I want to see women advocate for their wants, needs, kinks, fantasies and desires. And, if women are not getting their wants, needs, and various desires fulfilled, it’s time to do some spiritual, mental math. See if you need to deduct some people from your life, and maybe add some new ones.

My wish for all women is that they are empowered to have fuller sensual experiences. Evolving, life-changing full body experiences, derived from the sexual satisfaction of being with someone who loves, treasures, and cares for your pleasure, in and out of the bedroom. Do not allow just anyone to come into your temple, get under your bleachers, and leave hastily, zipping their figurative zipper.

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